I don’t have a photo of her from today on my phone but I had the pleasure of being in my best friend Melody’s wedding today. In the first photo Hannah is fixing the wrinkles in my dress. Lol. The second is our bouquets. Third is Robyn, Hannah, and I. Fourth is me and Randy. Fifth is Randy and I. Sixth is the get away car…hehe.
I’d say this is the best photo from my senior prom. I mean, look at that nose. Actually, this is the only close up photo of me and Paige together. (Ignore Evan) This sexy lady lives too far away to take anymore soon. But she is one of the coolest people ever and I know we will be good friends. Connor and I are going to visit her and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show in theater. Be jealous.
Let me know your 2 favorites out of these poems please!
1. Craving
I’d imagine that even your faults
Are as beautiful as your heart
That the darkest corners of your soul
Would show stories untold
I’d pull off the layers of your mind
and love you as a whole
I amuse myself with thoughts of you
How’ve you amused me, though?
Distance is a curse that’s infected me
And love never seems to succeed.
You’re just what I need
And I’d love to make you see
That I can wash you in joy
As we worship peacefully.
I wish time did not exist
And I do, in fact, love to kiss
2. Lucubration
You work so hard all the time
But nothing shines even though you stay up all night
There’s an exit sign just out of reach
You can’t touch it no, don’t try
Push through heat and pain
Weep your joy away
Give it time to settle
When there’s no time at all
Find love over the hill
But it ends in a cliff
At which you fall
Comparing yourself to others
You’ll never measure up
Working hard on your rusty life
But it’s dull copper won’t clean
Fading away to dark metal
And dreams of lovers past
Thinking of suicide and therapists
You long for the golden exit sign
Will you reach it through work
Or will you give into the thoughts
That your life is dull and can’t be shined
As you continue to toil on in strife
3. Inadequate
This room’s dark morass surrounds me.
It’s heavy gloom enraptures me.
I have no solution for my
life’s unexpected tragedies.
My mind is reeling, at a loss.
It makes me feel like I’m unreal.
Makes me forget how to deal with
life’s unexpected tragedies.
A low blow to the soul breaks me.
I could use an emotional
anesthesia to help numb
life’s unexpected tragedies.
If nothing else I have learned that
We all have our untimely turn
learning how to continue through
life’s unexpected tragedies.
4. Sacrifice
Oh what love is this
The love of a Saviour
That you died for me so undeserving
I nailed you upon that tree
Your death and resurrection paid for me
My sins were deadly and you took the blame
With all my shame I nailed your hands and feet.
Bloodied and forsaken you fell, the ghost taken.
Were they mistaken?
No, not at all
Your love for us rose again, victorious.
Never shall I fear again for I am yours and you are mine.
Nothing, nor distance, nor land, nor time can separate me from your love.
From the east to the west your arms were stretched.
I nailed you, Savior, but for love you stayed.
I went with Rebecca and Randy to her parent’s house today. We rode bikes and had a deep conversation just the two of us which doesn’t happen much in person so that was nice. She told me that me and Aaron are her closest friends right now. It’s hard to really connect to people. Anyways, Mr. Pat cooked on the grill and it was delicious. Randy ate all of the fried jalapeños. -_- and we sat in the hammock and listened to music. Her parents are hilarious. I love being with them because we all really love each other. I don’t feel like that at home, it’s so dysfunctional. Today was the best day I have had in a while.
I’m not allowed to put this on FB or insta but here’s a pic of my best friend Rebecca. We are having barbecue at her parents house today and it’s beautiful outside. She posed for this, too. I had to brighten this photo to see it and then I laughed so hard I cried.
I painted this for my friend Dallas today. It’s a replica of something I’ve already done but he wanted one since he loves the Beatles. Still not sure how to attach the frame though…lol.
You work so hard all the time
But nothing shines even though you stay up all night
Lovers pass your sight every day
But love never comes your way
There’s an exit sign just out of reach
You can’t touch it no, don’t try
Push through heat and pain
Cry your joy away
Give it time to settle
When there’s no time at all
Find love over the hill
But it ends in a cliff
Comparing yourself to others
You’ll never measure up
Working hard on your rusty life
But its dull copper won’t clean
Fading away to dark metal
And dreams of lovers past
Thinking of suicide and therapists
You long for the golden exit sign
Will you reach it through work
Or will you give into the thoughts
That your life is dull and can’t be shined
So I might as well make good use of that knife
You don’t know what this song means to me
You’ll never know until you see
The tears on my face
The blood on my cheek.
Trickling, trickling
Slowly coloring my pale skin.
I’m not who I thought I was
Anymore, no, no more.
I’m a sad reflection
Of what I used to dream
Don’t judge me for my failures
And I won’t persecute you for yours
It’s not like anyone cares to ask, anymore.
So let me go
On my own road
Where I can be anything I desire
Let me be
Peacefully
All I want
To be
Is me
I don’t usually get mad. I feel a lot, a lot of pain. I’m also saddened by the fact that those are the best adjectives I can muster up at this moment of in complacency. It’s odd how depression creeps in and out of my life. It comes in the back doors of late nights and hides in closets of memories. Waiting for me to open it back up like an old book that I definitely have not missed. Go away. I don’t want to do anything. I can not appease this attitude when I have to hold myself together. How am I going to live through these next few weeks? I’m losing my mind. I need someone. Someone like…you.
